Don't bite the hand that feeds you...

I am certainly not known for my participation in gossip of any sort. With that said, what I wish to blog about is certainly not gossip, however, fact. It is fact followed by opinion and wrapped in aggravation.

The other night my husband and I were watching an episode of The Real Housewives of N.Y. called “fall in Manhattan”. During the episode the housewives and company attend “fashion night out” which is a popular event that takes place in most major cities around the world to celebrate everything fashion in any way you wish. Alex and Simon brought their friend stylist Derek Warburton, an openly gay man, to an event that the cast attends. Being true to form with her big mouth, Jill Zarin makes caustic, snarky, and extremely judgmental comments about Derek’s clothing. She says, and I quote; “Alex and Simon arrived with this freaky guy. I was a little shocked. I really was. Like, he scared the crap out of me. I don’t know what he was wearing. He was wearing a corset and bag and…you know I’ve been around gays, I mean, this guy was like overly beyond.”

As gay men ourselves, my husband and I share a strong sentiment about this comment that I’m sure a lot of gay people can attest to. First of all, I need to mention that Jill’s best friend Brad is an openly gay man. So indeed with that fact alone she is cracking open the flood gate of hypocrisy. But the most frustrating bit about this situation is something that is not as obvious. In my experience and observations it is all very well for us as gay men to be the trendy accessory friend for straight women. We spend our precious time and resources for these women playing psychiatrist and advisor. We make them look pretty, tell them what to and what not to wear, what shoes and hand bag to go with their outfit, and how to properly apply make-up. We are the friend for them that is there at 3 in the morning answering the desperate phone call because they’re having relationship troubles. We are the ones who hold their hair back while vomiting in the bushes after a pitcher of Sangria. For them we are the best gal pal that they never had and the perfect man that they could never have.

So what is my point with all of this you may ask? I have been in a couple situations myself but have observed more of others in the community that are this loyal friend to straight people. But at the end of the day to a lot of these people we can be seen but not heard. When it comes to expressing ourselves either by the way we dress, act, or speak it all of a sudden become “too much information.” Being gay is a challenge enough at times but at the very least we would like to be who we are without fear of contradiction, particularly by people that regard us as best friends.

This sentiment can also be related to the Adam Lambert performance at the VMA’s. People love his voice and energy but the minute he started expressing himself on stage people shuddered, turned the channel really quick, and put their hands over their children’s eyes.

So I say, good for you Derek, dress however you want and please keep being yourself. Thank god for people in this world over like Derek, Adam, Alex, Simon, my husband, and myself who are not afraid to be who we are. We also need more people in this world with open minds and open hearts. So to Jill Zarin I will say this; if it wasn’t for us you would have little to no clothes, shoes, accessories, or interior décor. I’m also sure that our community is a good chunk of the demographic that buys your husband’s fabrics therein spreading butter on your bread. Derek is not a “freak”. He is a unique person probably with a good self image and is chock full of integrity both for himself and his community. Maybe you should take that advise from Bethany, Mrs. Zarin, and get yourself a hobby. In fact, get yourself a life.